my existence

I woke up this morning after one of those life changing nights of sleep. I made my tea out of lavender and mint from my very own yard, I watered my plants, I ate a banana....and I walked down to Powells where i set my soul free for 3 1/2 hours. I bought 2 new books. A novel by Marisa De Los Santos that I will share mofe information about when I am done reading it. I also bought Eat play love by Elizabeth Gilbert which i have heard so much about for so long I had to just get it and im ecstatic to read it! My dad called and he asked about my bookstore trip and I told him what the book was about and he said "oh great, another inspiration for you to do what i've come to accept you will inevitably do at some point in your life.

Anyway. It's rained off and on al day and I have been sitting here with my blanket wrapped around my shoulders and I have read, then wrote for a bit, then read a bit more, made a bit more tea, wrote a teeny bit, then read quite a bit more. My room is my own palace. All i have is my beautiful life and my mental picture machine (a wise man once called it)....and I am one of the luckiest people alive.

simple reminders...

-take in all the little pieces of advice in life....there is more of it around you, right there before your eyes. You just have to see it, and take it all in.

my forever favorite

You don’t need to change a thing about you babe
I’m telling you
From where I sit, you’re one of a kind
Relationships, I don’t know why, they never work you and they make you cry
But the guy that says goodbye to you is out of his mind
Well I been down and I need your help I’ve been feeling sorry for myself
Don’t hesitate to boost my confidence
I been lost and I need direction, I could use a little love-protection
What do you say, honey, come to my defense?
I’ll stand up for you if it’s what you need and I can take a punch, I don’t mind to bleed
As long as afterwards you feel bad for me
And you give me all of your attention I got deep desire and it needs quenchin’
I think that’s pretty plain for you to see
Hell, enough about me and more about you cause that’d be the gentlemanly thing to do
I hope you like your men sweet and polite
I thought I was done with telling you but I ain’t nearly halfway through
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
I got a few more things I’d like to say to you tonight
You don’t need to change a thing about you babe
I’m telling you
From where I sit you’re one of a kind
Relationships, I don’t know why, they never work out and they make you cry
But the guy that says goodbye to you is out of his mind
You always did kind of drive me crazy and pissed me off ‘cause I let it faze me
But I never wanted my time with you to end
Now I’m back in town for a day or two and mostly I came back just to see you
I’m leaving now but I don’t want to go
You don’t need to change a thing about you babe
I’m telling you
From where I sit you’re one of a kind
Relationships, I don’t know why, they never work out and they make you cry
But the guy that says goodbye to you is out of his mind

my trip to an oasis of serinity

This is such a beautiful whimsicle of a life i am creating and falling to for myself. It has been such a beautiful week for me. Remember my last post? Well on Sunday night I escaped everything but love and warmth and went to his home, his oasis of serinity. My bones were no longer cold, my skin was no longer dry or untouched, my soul no longer felt lost. His fingers through my hair and on every single inch of my skin....woke up at 2pm the next day with a delightful breakfast made and placed on my lap, and an afternoon of music making,sweet summer kisses, and frisbee games. That evening brought the same...i never turned my phone on, i never had any worries.....it was beautiful. The girls were there the whole time as well showering me with all the love I could have ever imagined to get from friends. I woke up after a 40hr straight dreamland of all this and accepted and recapped it all in my mind on the I-5 corridor.....i had to go to my mother ocean. And I did, and she wrapped her big beautiful arms around me and swollowed me in. I jumped in and washed the sweet kisses off my skin as the sun set behind her. It was truly so beautiful...words will never be able to describe the beautiful way i began this lovely week.

forgetting to forget you

It's a time when i need to focus on writing again. Tonight I tried to meet up with my friends after keeping my distance for some time...and i ducked out the door of the bar, said nothing...and i got on my bike and i road, i road as fast as my little legs could peddle me into the night, through the wind...away from everyone off with the stars. We as humans always kind of want what we can't have and when we have it we are over it....I think of myself as a grateful person. I am grateful that such and increadable man is fascinated by my everything and radiates with happiness when he is in my presence. However, i am having a hard time feeling grateful for the fact that my mind travels further and further off with the stars every day i am in his company. My mind and the stars always fine themselves revolving around the same old person as usual.....that beautiful man who always steals my focus of passion. The one I never really have been with, the one that over years we have had only a couple of cuddle puddle hangouts, but they were so beautiful....and they constantly take my mind away with the stars when im where I was tonight....I know his mind isn't off with the stars and my mind and heart.....But he is beautiful and time and time again i feel like i have no control over where and when my mind and heart goes....

"we could sit beneath the evening let the day turn blue, I could never let the darkness replace the thought of you. Come on darlin lets catch that train to wherever we call god, honey its a message who said so....maybe not. It's just you and I, baby you and I. When all the world turns into hospitals and jails...I can always count of your love to be my bed. We'll go travelin' on year to year.....just you and I my dear.....it'll be the same every year."